Wednesday, May 10, 2017

overwhelmed



"And then through darkness, there came a light" 

Sometimes it's not certain place that break through happens. It doesn't have to be a church, a concert, or in a room full of people. 

Sometimes you're all alone. 

You've poured your heart out over and over again in the creases of the worn notebook and it's off-white paper; but you pick up the pen with the faded ink anyway, and you continue to write until your hand is numb. You cry out. 

And then, you're heard. 

No, not something audible you hear, but rather, your plea to God when the stress of overwhelming you, is more than just acknowledged, it's heard.  

It's not an 3-minute instant microwave miracle, but rather, a moment of peace. A single second where you feel as if something, someone, is wrapping their arms around you. 

You feel like you've come out on top of the waves for a solid minute and you can catch your breathe. 

The storm isn't over and the waters are still raging, but just that moment of peace, the one that comes the second you decide to wholly devote yourself to the Way-Maker, the Calmer of storms, can give you the strength you need to pick up and carry on. 

To conquer the waves you must first learn to stop fighting, and let God fight. Let yourself go in over your head. 

When you war with your own strength, you're destined to fail and choke. 

When you open up your fists, the ones that have been closed for so long you've forgotten what it feels like to be free, then it happens. 

You learn to let go. 

You learn to ride the waves, instead of trying to control them. 

You stop swimming against the water, but letting them carry you. 


My friends I am speaking to myself but also speaking to you. 

Open up your hands to the God of love, the God of peace, and the God who has plans for you. 

The storm may pick back up, but catch you breath and let go. For you only have each passing moment to make this life beautiful. It's too short to live with gritted-teeth and clenched-fists. 

Open up your heart, and find peace. 

I'm still sitting in my bedroom alone. 

I haven't had a grand revelation on how to solve my problems and conquer the doubt and fear, but I opened up my hands, and I let the worry go. 

The whole world doesn't know I caught my breath, and I definitely don't have it all together now. 

But I know to be true, that my God loves me, and He loves you. He wants good for you and everyone else. Hold fast to that.   

Let all you do be done in love,

jacyrayn xx

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

he holds me

i woke up with voices in my head


telling me to go back to sleep

telling me i wasn't worth the fight
telling me i was falling to pieces


'you're never going to be any better than you are now' they said

'you're too far gone for Him to make anything out of you' they said 


but when i figured out 

that they were just voices in my head 

i heard you said 

'i have you in the palms of My hands' 

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

catch your breath




"And then through darkness, there came a light" 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sometimes it's not certain place that break through happens. It doesn't have to be a church, a concert, or in a room full of people. 

Sometimes you're all alone. 

You've poured your heart out over and over again in the creases of the worn notebook and it's off-white paper; but you pick up the pen with the faded ink anyway, and you continue to write until your hand is numb. You cry out. 

And then, you're heard. 

It's not an 3-minute instant microwave miracle, but rather, a moment of peace. 

You feel like you've come out on top of the waves for a solid minute and you can catch your breathe. 

The storm isn't over and the waters are still raging but just that moment of peace, the one that comes the second you decide to wholly devote yourself to the Way-Maker, the Calmer of storms, can give you the strength you need to pick up and carry on. 

To conquer the waves you must first learn to stop fighting and let God fight. Let yourself go in over your head. 

When you war with your own strength, you're destined to fail and choke. 

When you open up your fists, the ones that have been closed for so long you've forgotten what it feels like to be free, then it happens. 

You learn to let go. 

You learn to ride the waves, instead of trying to control them. 

My friends I am speaking to myself but also speaking to you. 

Open up your hands to the God of love, the God of peace, and the God who has plans for you. 

The storm may pick back up, but catch you breath and let go. For you only have each passing moment to make this life beautiful. It's too short to live with gritted-teeth and clenched-fists. 

Open up your heart, and find peace. 

I'm still sitting in my bedroom alone. 

I haven't had a grand revelation on how to solve my problems and conquer the doubt and fear, but I opened up my hands, and I let the worry go. 

The whole world doesn't know I caught my breath, and I definitely don't have it all together now. 

But this I know to be true, is that my God loves me, and He loves you. He wants good for me and everyone else. Hold fast to that.   

Let all you do be done in love,

jacyrayn

Thursday, January 12, 2017

A TURNING PAGE



                                        A TURNING PAGE

A new chapter of a new book.

The hardback cover hit the musty smelling pages with a slam; the good book, the amazing story of the time I lived Kentucky and its adventures, was over. 

It was a sweet one, it truly was. I grew up as a person and spiritually. I met so many people who welcomed me in as family and taught me that there is still goodness in the hearts of strangers, and the strangers turned into friends, who will be in my life for a very long time. I danced my heart out and sang too loud on the road trips and laughed endlessly.

But, with life, everything changes eventually. If there was no change, how could we ever grow and learn to make more room in our heart for more love, new things, and new people? 

But the turning page, the opening of a new book, fails to be simple. I'm not going to lie for one second and say it is. 

You know the feeling, when you get a new book and the binding on it is stiff, and you have to hold it forcefully open because it's new and rigid? 

That's what it's like: opening a new chapter of life. 

It's tough. 

Its hard to keep open and it doesn't fit quite right in your hands yet.  You're unfamiliar with the cover and the pages tend to stick together.  
All together, it just feels unnatural. 
Nevertheless, I think in the situations we're most uncomfortable in, it's pushing us out of our comfort box into the world that makes us try new things and open up to new people. We have new adventures and we learn to close our eyes and simply just jump into life! 

Suddenly, once you get past a couple chapters into the new book, it gets really interesting- and then you can't put it down because it's so good! You get so caught up in this amazing new world that you realize you love the book, your life, and then binding starts to feel loose and no longer feels heavy and awkward;
it feels right,
and that's how this new life is going to be. 

I want to get so love with my life, so in love with story that I'm living that God is writing, that I can live freely without stress and worry. I want to have open, blank pages that can be filled with love and laughter instead of trying to live in the old book and keep the new one shut. 
Not all endings are bad. They leave opportunities for new starts. While beginnings can be scary, you can choose to dive into them holding grace and look for the best, or you can be afraid and then realize beginnings aren't bad. I haven't reached the point where I'm in love with the new stories to be written, but I'm willing to push through the stiff binding and untouched pages for a radical ending.

Life is unpredictable, but you know an Author who writes stellar stories that always have spectacular endings.

I bet yours is going to be beautiful.

* * * * * * 

2017 is going to be an amazing year, loves! You are a world changer and a planet shaker, the earth is at your fingertips. :) 

P.S. I promise I'm not dead! I took a little break over the holidays because I moved to a new state and to let my brain and heart rest! Expect me back at it! 

How were your holidays!? I missed you guys! 


With love, 

-JacyRayn 

Monday, December 5, 2016

unplanned roads



To sit here and type out the words "I'm great!" in a tiny chat box and hit the blue arrow to make you think I was just dandy would be just as much as a lie as to say I'm a millionaire. 

To tell you my life was more clear than than crystal and I know exactly what I'm doing would cause me to be a very bad liar. 

The truth is my dear readers:

My life is completely and utterly foggy. 

There's nothing terribly wrong with me, I'm not going through a life crisis. I have a wonderful family and friends, I'm getting ready to embark on a new adventure (moving!) and God is still my king.

But honestly, I can't see one day in front of today. 

I can't see myself tomorrow, acing my science test. 

I can't see myself a week from now, perfectly preforming my dance routine

I can't see myself a month from now, packing my life into brown paper boxes

I can't see my self in the next years, growing older and chasing dreams my dreams.

I try to fathom it and it seem so far away that I can hardly handle thinking about the next five minutes, and I get afraid that worried so much about the future that I am slowly tick-ticking away my present. 

My dears I think as we grow older we come to a point in time where we feel the pressure pushing hard on us from our family, friends, and society that we have to have a "5 year plan of success" after high school and we have to know where we're going to be. They expect us to have a map of our life and to know just exactly what we'll be doing. 

We get so caught with pushing ourselves further and further forward and planning the next moments that we forgot to cherish the journey here. We forgot that our own plans could turn upside down in a single moment.

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'- yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” -James 14:13-15 ESV

I'm not saying don't have dreams and don't chase them. I'm not saying don't plan a little bit. Our lives would be even more a disaster if we didn't plan for daily life. But instead of planning for the life you're going to live when you reach your goal,and spending your life planning the next moments, live your life now, and on the journey to where you're going! Live in the current moments instead of trying to control what happens next.

---

 Today may be the very last day you ever draw a breathe. 

Did you take the time to tell everyone that you loved them and did you enjoy the simplistic moments?

Did you take even a moment to acknowledge that your Creator, who is so in love with you, wants to be by your side every minute of every hour and created all the earths and the heavens simply for you to exist and see the splendor of them out of his love? 

Did you see the moments and live in them as they passed you by? Or did you let them go holding on to a moment that has yet to exists?

I am trying to learn to live more simply, and stop worrying about my days and count my breath each as a blessing. 

Live in the moments around and see the beauty god has hidden for you to find. There is great love all around you, and blessing for those who look for them. 

'How rare, and beautiful, it is to even exist'

See the love my friends, and grasp it,

-JacyRayn

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

fighting our battles



{P.S. I'm not dead!}

There I was: ice cream pouring down my hand in what felt like slow motion as my eyes were glued to the screen in my mom's typical white mini van. I was captivated by Narnia, the movie I had seen a thousand times over but this time, held meaning for me. This time, I saw something I had never seen before, and the tears were unknowingly rolling down my face.

Peter, the eldest boy of the Pevensie family, heard wolves. 

Aslan and His men were standing right beside Peter the whole time, and Peter had just been taught that he needed to fight with his new found courage.

So then, the wolves came.

Peter quickly rushed into the woods, the army right behind him, sword drawn and ready for battle.  As he goes to fight, Aslan does something incredible. He holds back His army and says "keep your weapons, this is Peter's battle."

The king and his army were right there, watching His every move. Aslan had even put down one of the wolves for him, but still He held back and let him fight his own battle to learn a lesson.

Now that I've rambled on about Narnia, what does this mean? 

I saw the movie when I watched the scene, but at the same time, I saw me.

I was looking face to face with my own life. 

I'm sitting there holding my sword looking at my life battles and trying to fight them, but sometimes I falter. Sometimes I get overwhelmed; my sword feels heavy and my feet are tired and I don't feel like I can quite push on. I feel alone in my constant struggles and battles. It feels like wolves, my struggles, just might overcome me. I feel like one misstep and I will lose, the wolf will win, and I'll be lost. 

But what I don't see, is my mighty lion of Judah, King Jesus, standing right behind me with an army of angels watching out for me. Even typing those words brings so much hope to my bones. 

The fact that there is a God who is right there all the time, waiting to fight for me anytime the battle gets to hot is so relieving.

In that though I have to trust through the hard times. I have to realize that a rough patch could be God letting me fend for myself do that I can grow stronger and keep in touch with my faith! 

Hold that close to your heart, dears.
Your Creator is there ready to fight your every battle when you can't seem to move on.
When you can't seem to hold on, He'll pick up and fight for you.
When you feel like you're falling apart, He will hold you together.

I love you guys.

-jacyrayn xo

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

seasons of change


change, changing, changed.

A junior in high school and those three simple words in different forms still seem foreign.
They crawl around the back of my mind, pulling on the what ifs. 

I push off the thoughts and cling to what I know, but I know that the change, the impact, is coming for me. 


"I don't want to move to Georgia"

"I don't want to quit dance"

"I'm not ready to grow up and have relationships"

"I don't want to leave my friends"


All this change, these possible life moments and unknowns looming around my conscious.

When did I tie my own wings to the ground and say I wasn't allowed to fly further than the leash I put around my own neck?

Fearful of the grass I can't see because I limited myself to a four by four patch.

I put up a wall around my heart, my 'comfort zone' wall. It's filled with the same places, faces, and smells. It hardly ever changes and if there's a bump, I jump over it and keep going.

When I reach the wall I silently note, 'no need to go further, JacyRayn, you are doing just fine right here'.

So I don't.

I stay right there in the same place around the same people in the same places.

---

What I never noted though, was with this exile of change in my life, my heart grows cold and numb. It can no longer help the new people who need the warmth and love of Jesus to fill their holes to the very brim. The wall does not allow for me to overflow on to bare soil and wait for the new to grow.

When you limit yourself to the same grass, it stops growing eventually, and withers.

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. "  
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8;11

There's a reason that the farmer moves his cows and horses from one field to another.
It's not because he wants them to be shocked by the change of atmosphere or because he just feels that they got too comfortable in the other one; it's because he's taking care of them and wants them to be well fed. He cares about their well being! 

God does not bring change out of hate or 'because He feels like it', He does it out of love, my friends. 

I am learning that while change can be unnerving and reckless, when you take yourself off the lead rope you receive freedom. Freedom comes with responsibilities, but wouldn't you rather be free to experience life from every point aside from just one? 

Keep your love, amigos.

-jr xx