Tuesday, October 18, 2016

seasons of change


change, changing, changed.

A junior in high school and those three simple words in different forms still seem foreign.
They crawl around the back of my mind, pulling on the what ifs. 

I push off the thoughts and cling to what I know, but I know that the change, the impact, is coming for me. 


"I don't want to move to Georgia"

"I don't want to quit dance"

"I'm not ready to grow up and have relationships"

"I don't want to leave my friends"


All this change, these possible life moments and unknowns looming around my conscious.

When did I tie my own wings to the ground and say I wasn't allowed to fly further than the leash I put around my own neck?

Fearful of the grass I can't see because I limited myself to a four by four patch.

I put up a wall around my heart, my 'comfort zone' wall. It's filled with the same places, faces, and smells. It hardly ever changes and if there's a bump, I jump over it and keep going.

When I reach the wall I silently note, 'no need to go further, JacyRayn, you are doing just fine right here'.

So I don't.

I stay right there in the same place around the same people in the same places.

---

What I never noted though, was with this exile of change in my life, my heart grows cold and numb. It can no longer help the new people who need the warmth and love of Jesus to fill their holes to the very brim. The wall does not allow for me to overflow on to bare soil and wait for the new to grow.

When you limit yourself to the same grass, it stops growing eventually, and withers.

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. "  
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8;11

There's a reason that the farmer moves his cows and horses from one field to another.
It's not because he wants them to be shocked by the change of atmosphere or because he just feels that they got too comfortable in the other one; it's because he's taking care of them and wants them to be well fed. He cares about their well being! 

God does not bring change out of hate or 'because He feels like it', He does it out of love, my friends. 

I am learning that while change can be unnerving and reckless, when you take yourself off the lead rope you receive freedom. Freedom comes with responsibilities, but wouldn't you rather be free to experience life from every point aside from just one? 

Keep your love, amigos.

-jr xx





5 comments:

  1. *moans cuz i like my quiet little cocoon* *sighs* how are you so right???

    basically i love this post and everything you said and gosh it all i have some thinking to do haaha

    ReplyDelete
  2. JACYRAYN STRUNK YOU DIDNT TELL ME YOU WERE MOVING



    IMMA CRY NOW

    WE ALL HAVE TO HAVE A STARBUCKS DATE BEFORE YOU GO K

    ReplyDelete
  3. If I wasn't in the living room right now I'd be crying

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  4. JacyRayn I literally just want to cry right now.

    This made my heart hurt so much, oh my goodness. I'm hurting for you, because I know how insanely hard change is, and I know you're going through a lot of it right now. And this post is just full of so much truth that I can't even believe it. Change flat out terrifies me. To the point that I'll do almost anything to avoid it. But I know that I can't do that forever, and your writing is so insanely beautiful and eloquent that I can't handle it.

    Gosh, I love you so much.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "When did I tie my own wings to the ground and say I wasn't allowed to fly further than the leash I put around my own neck?"

    Ohhhhhh man Jacy. This was a breath of life. Wow.

    Stay strong, keep your head up and keep sharing these inspiring words.

    ReplyDelete

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