seasons of change

change, changing, changed.

A junior in high school and those three simple words in different forms still seem foreign.

They crawl around the back of my mind, pulling on the what ifs. 

I push off the thoughts and cling to what I know, but I know that the change, the impact, is coming for me. 

"I don't want to move to Georgia"

"I don't want to quit dance"

"I'm not ready to grow up and have relationships"

"I don't want to leave my friends"

All this change, these possible life moments and unknowns looming around my conscious.

When did I tie my own wings to the ground and say I wasn't allowed to fly further than the leash I put around my own neck?

Fearful of the grass I can't see because I limited myself to a four by four patch.

I put up a wall around my heart, my 'comfort zone' wall. It's filled with the same places, faces, and smells. It hardly ever changes and if there's a bump, I jump over it and keep going.

When I reach the wall I silently note, 'no need to go further, JacyRayn, you are doing just fine right here'.

So I don't.

I stay right there in the same place around the same people in the same places.

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What I never noted though, was with this exile of change in my life, my heart grows cold and numb. It can no longer help the new people who need the warmth and love of Jesus to fill their holes to the very brim. The wall does not allow for me to overflow on to bare soil and wait for the new to grow.

When you limit yourself to the same grass, it stops growing eventually, and withers.

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. "  

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8;11

There's a reason that the farmer moves his cows and horses from one field to another.

It's not because he wants them to be shocked by the change of atmosphere or because he just feels that they got too comfortable in the other one; it's because he's taking care of them and wants them to be well fed. He cares about their well being! 

God does not bring change out of hate or 'because He feels like it', He does it out of love, my friends. 

I am learning that while change can be unnerving and reckless, when you take yourself off the lead rope you receive freedom. Freedom comes with responsibilities, but wouldn't you rather be free to experience life from every point aside from just one? 

Keep your love, amigos.

-jr xx

The Liebster Award

Afternoon, lovely readers!

Let me just say I am so excited to do this award! A huge thank you to Grace from Totally Graced for tagging me! Go show her some love! Today is her second blog-aversary and you won't want to miss all the exciting things happening! I chat too much, so let's get right to it!

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RULES:

1.) Thank the blogger who tagged you! (Pay the kindness back, dude.)

2.) Share the award on your blog.

3.) Answer the ten questions you are asked.

4.) Nominate at least ten more bloggers,

5.) Ask ten new questions.

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MY ANSWERS:

1.) What is the book that you've read most often?

Well, really the one I read most "often" is the Bible. But if we set that aside, I would say the "Christy Miller Series by Robin Jones Gunn" or "Searchlight by Dayo Benson".

2.) What is your favorite childhood memory?

I have so many but this one is one of my favorites by far because it never gets old. OKAY SO THIS ONE TIME I was in a Sonny's BBQ. My dad and I were in the foyer together waiting to be seated. I was probably only three at the time, strutting around in my favorite pink camouflage pants and matching shirt. All of the sudden I decide to run behind one of those fake plants they put on the inside of restaurant and I call out to my dad: "Daddy, look! You can't see me! I'm camouflage." He started laughing but the funny thing is he didn't realize that I was wearing camouflage. He told me he could see me then I proceeded (at three, mind you) to tell him I was wearing camouflage and that he couldn't see me. Three-year-old me was very smart.

3.) What is the biggest lesson you've learned from blogging?

Without a doubt, the biggest lesson I've learned from blogging is
not comparing yourself to others. It is an extremely hard lesson to learn when
you first start out. You look at everyone else and always see your flaws! You have to learn to embrace your flaws. That's one of the biggest part of the blogging experience is being yourself.

4.) What's the worst book you've ever read?

There are very few books that I have read and not liked quite a bit. I've been spoiled with recommendations from friends! Although one I made myself read all the way through at didn't like at all was "The absolutely true diary of a part-time Indian" by Sherman Alexie. I just did not find the writing in anyway appealing and the plot was very, very, slow.

5.) Go-to outfit?

I'm always a ripped skinnies and baggy t-shirt tucked in kinda gal! Coupled with a pair of Converse and a flannel, you've got my style in a nutshell!

6.) What is your favorite hot beverage?



I struggles with this question because I want all the hot drinks all the time. If I had to choose only one, it would definitely be a strong cup of Buestelo with a tiny dash of French Vanilla creamer.

7.) Who is the last person you texted and what was it about?

The last person I texted (coincidentally ;)) was Aaliyah! It was about us ranting over how good taco bell's crunch-wraps are. They're literally the best.

8.) How would your friends describe you?

Since we already mentioned Aaliyah, this is what she says about me!
"Your love for Jesus shines through you so brightly and is the foundation of every thing you do.
You're super hilarious like wow you kill me.
You're bold (which is something I really admire and want to be more like).
You're so trustworthy. I've never trusted someone so easily in my life.
You're so joyful and kind.
You're my human journal, encourager, speaker of life, and my best friend :)"

CRY THANK YOU AALIYAH!

9.) What are five things you like about yourself?

Even though I suck at it, YAY FOR SELF-CONFIDENCE QUESTIONS. They are over-looked and very important.

+ I really like my hair. It's super long, thick, and naturally blonde.
+I love my cursive handwriting. Over the years it's just gotten pretty fabulous.
+I enjoy my red cheeks. Yes, a weird quality to like, but I NEVER have to wear blush the random times I decide to wear make-up.
+I'm very proud of my cooking skills. You want a stellar three course meal? I got you. You want a fancy quesadilla? No problem. I go both ways.
+I really love my ability to spread joy. Although everyone can do this, I like to make it a point. :)

10.) What is your motto?

I don't think I've ever had a phrase that I've always said, but if I did it would probably be "Everyday is a new chance to re-create yourself"

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MY QUESTIONS:

1.) What's the story behind your URL?

2.) Where is your favorite place to blog?

3.) Do you prefer coffee or tea?

4.) If you could have a 100$ gift card to one store, what would it be?

5.) What's one thing you want to improve about your blogging?

6.) Are you a background music or a listen-to-every-lyric-intently person?

7.) What's your favorite time of the day?

8.) What's the one school subject you wished didn't exist?

9.) You're given the opportunity to fix one major world problem, what is it?

10.) What's your dream vacation spot?

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MY NOMINEES:

Aaliyah

Alivia

Abbie

Ava

Olivia

Autumn

Tane

Now it's your turn! I want to hear from you! Even if I don't tag you, feel free to become apart of this! Thanks for sticking around through this messy post.

much love,

JacyRayn xx