hola mi amigos! seems like every time i'm here i always say sorry for it being do long when i've last posted. hopefully life is about to mellow down with all the holiday seasons passing. anywhooo.
today i felt frumpy. i sat in the back seat of my brother poor green mazada, paint chipping and all, that he loves so much. he and my good friends has just ran inside a gas station to grab a drink and i stayed out by myself in the car. as i sat replaying a some segments of the few last months of my life in my head over and over, i watched baby snow flurries hit the ground one by one and two by two. life just didn't seem fair. i've always been one to try to do the right thing, even if that means taking one for the team and getting made fun of. but i had simply had enough. i am constantly getting picked on about how i'm always the goody-two shoes or how i'm always 'innocent' and 'perfect'. the fact was it simply is not true. i was fully fed up, preparing a nice little venting session for when they got back in the car about how that i was not perfect and how i just liked to obey. i sat up, gaining my posture and frustration, and started to prepare this nice little venting session and prepared to deliver it right away all packaged with a nice little bow.
a couple more minutes pass till i finally slumped back down in the back seat because i felt the tug on my heart strings. i put my head down and turned my ear up to listen to the still small voice that oh-so often led me to keep it shut.
long story short, i didn't give that speech that i was ready to give. as much as i hate being called those things. as much as i dislike being the one who 'likes keeping the peace' and suffering through being called a 'baby', i didn't say a word.
here's the thing; it's absolutely not a bad thing to be good.
there's always a little part in every person who thinks about, maybe just a little spark, of what it's like to be bad. to be 'cool' and go out and do things that just simply aren't you. but the older i get the more i realize that this life is utterly an oxymoron. it's completely about being you and embracing who you are, but being uncomfortable in being you.
it's pretty confusing. i'm still figuring it out.
1 John 2
"My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. 2 He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world. 3 And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. 4 Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, 5 but whoeverkeeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: 6 whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked."
okay so let's take just a few seconds to flip this and reverse it. i get so caught up in the fact that the people i love are chucking labels at me i forgot how little it really means. i got all tizzed up at something that meant nothing. my final conclusion was this;
being completely and wholly you is perfect, but live it through Jesus.
this post is a little here there and everywhere but i just want to get across that its TOTALLY okay to be the good girl and play it safe. its okay to follow the rules and do what your told. don't let playfully comments determine your demeanor. be resoundingly YOU.
mucho amor
JacyRayn
I really needed this. Wowwowowowoowowowowowowoww.
ReplyDeleteThis is so me. I used to get teased by Amber all growing up about this. It's so hard. Thank you Jay. You never cease to give me encouragement. I love you bunches.